Your Grief Posse

Your Grief Posse

How to Select Your Support People

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." – Dr. Martin Luther King

So, here's the deal: when someone passes, no matter how, you get a crash course in "Who's Your Real Friend?" Some folks will vanish like socks in a dryer, while others will stick around, cheering you on like you’re the star of a reality TV show. Don’t waste your precious tears on those who can’t meet your expectations; just let them waltz off into the sunset on their own path. Meanwhile, you strut down yours like the fabulous person you are. Right now, it's all about you, darling! I’ll spill the beans on juggling kids and family duties while grieving in another post. Today, it’s all about you.

We're about to jump into five ways to get your cavalry expanding right from the start. If you missed the first wave, no worries—you can hop on board later without paying any late fees!

Tip #1 - Find Compassionate Friends

Get ready to dive into this excellent first tip! Think about your best friend—who's that special person? If you don't have one, who do you trust the most? Who's your 2:00 AM Ride or Die? If you haven't found them yet, who could fill that role? There are several essential criteria and boundaries to consider when selecting these key individuals. Does this person take more than they give? If so, it's time to cross them off the list. It doesn't mean you need to end the relationship; it just means they're not part of your Grief Posse. Is this person reliable and accountable for their actions? If they can't manage their own life, they might not be able to support you as you need right now. Is this person honest and willing to call you out on your stuff? You definitely don't want a yes-person right now. You need someone who can express their concerns when necessary. Understand each person's capabilities and recognize their strengths. Ensure you contact the right individual for your specific needs.

Tip #2 - Consider Joining a Support Group for Your Specific Grief

Find some fellow grief warriors who are riding the same emotional rollercoaster. It's not a competition to see who has the most enormous tissue pile; it's about not having to sit solo in the weepy corner. Find a buddy to chuckle with between the sobs. Consider contacting a local organization or visiting Grief.com for free resources available in your area. Often, local Hospices offer free grief counseling or support groups on a weekly or monthly basis.

Tip #3 - Online Forums & Groups

Don't give Facebook the stink eye for everything! Social media can actually be your sidekick if you know where to look. Jump into a group or do some sneaky peeking at what others are blabbing about. No need to post your life story, but snooping on what others are thinking, feeling, and doing in your shoes can be pretty enlightening. Just remember, there's a lot of garbage out there, so keep your detective hat on and watch out for scams. You are vulnerable right now, and that is OK. There's no magic wand for your grief. What works for one person might not be your cup of tea. So, tread carefully and don't let your money wander off to places it shouldn't!

Tip #4 - Grab a Friend to Get out of The House

It's way too tempting to become a professional blanket burrito, binge on Ben & Jerry's, and pretend the world outside doesn't exist. But watch out, because grief can sneakily turn into a full-time job you never applied for. You may need some support seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Remember what made you jump out of bed before life decided to play a game you did not want to play? Was it the great outdoors, painting masterpieces, jamming to music, or those epic beach strolls? It could be anything, really. Sure, it's easy to dive headfirst into the pool of negative coping strategies—I've done the cannonball plenty of times myself. But hey, I'm a graduate of the School of Hard Knocks when I started dusting off my old passions, surprise! New opportunities came knocking. Mix and match those forgotten loves with new hobbies, and who knows what delightful concoction you'll create! Your Grief Posse can go with you.

People do stop trying if you don't participate. This can be another reason to grieve. This is why finding resources and professional help can benefit you and those you love.

Tip #5 - Get a Grief Coach or Counseling for Professional Help

There is a clear distinction between Grief Coaching and Grief Counseling or Therapy. While some coaches, including myself, possess mental health credentials and advanced degrees, coaching does not involve diagnosing or treating mental health issues. Complicated Grief or Prolonged Grief is identified by a persistent longing for the deceased, difficulty accepting the death, preoccupation with the loss, impaired functioning, and inability to engage in daily activities, work, school, relationships, social interactions, and more. If you experience these symptoms, it is advisable to seek a therapist. Coaching is a future-focused, goal-oriented process that supports clients in achieving their personal objectives. It can help prevent mental health issues, and coaches are prepared to refer clients to additional resources when necessary. Please find a Grief Coach who is Certified and knows the difference. There is no restriction against having both a coach and a therapist simultaneously; however, it is crucial to understand the differences and make informed choices. Therapists are responsible for diagnosing and treating mental illnesses, establishing a clear boundary between the two practices. Certified Coaches and Therapists both follow a strict code of ethics.

Don’t Forget to Add a Closing Statement

Here are five tips to get started. Remember, tackling grief solo is like trying to wrestle a bear—it's not the safest idea! Staying away doesn't shield your loved ones; they want to be there for you. Is it tough to crack a smile or giggle again? Absolutely! You can smile with a bit of help from your friends. Time to round up your Grief Posse and get started!